I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
