sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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