Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
