Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
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Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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