You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
