summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How does one acquire holy water?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize