i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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