Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
