Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
