in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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