I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
