Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
