If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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