don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
