I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
