So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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