its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
