It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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