I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
