I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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