Define "chronic" masturbator.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
