i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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