**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
