remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
