He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
