Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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