checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
