White coat. Heels.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
