I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
