Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
