It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she looked like the before picture.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
