I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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