Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
