I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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