if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize