This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
