I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
