I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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