We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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