so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
