I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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