So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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