It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
