Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
