she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So much rum. So many feels.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
