U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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