I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
