I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
