I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
