I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm getting married
To pizza
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
