3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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