You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
