this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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