She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
