god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
NoShamevember. You game?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
