My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
