Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
