Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
