I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
