you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
