I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
