i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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