i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
