Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
