I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
