The maid of honor just puked.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
