What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
