he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
