worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
