the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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