I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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