So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
