I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
